Monday, January 25

A very difficult decision

I am absolutely in love with my fiance....but over the past couple of months our relationship has been having a lot of problems. I've been working out of town a lot as a paramedic - long hours. If I get too tired I stay at my dad's house for a couple days. Ever since I've been hired I've noticed some changes. He's definitely not the same person I started dating almost 5 years ago. I find that there are so many things about him nowadays that irritate me. He freaks out if I'm gone for several days in a row. We are always angry with each other and fighting. When we're not fighting we're thinking about fighting or nit picking at each other. It completely terrifies me that we might be getting ourselves into something that we're going to regret a few years or months down the road. I don't feel that we want the same things any more. I see some of our mutual friends who are in terrible relationships with children and no way out. I don't want to be that person.

I think that the best thing for the both of us is to cancel our engagement and move on. If it's meant to be it we could get back together sooner or later. I think that we would happier without each other. More than anything I am terrified to make this decision. What's holding me back? I honestly don't know. Our friends, his family, the history we have together...Everyone is telling me to do what's best for me but what if what I think is best for me ends up being the wrong thing. I know I will miss him if I end our relationship, but I also know that we won't be able to be friends if we end it. I love my ring and I think that it completely defines me - I don't want to have to give it back to him. We have shared property and animals. Break-ups are so hard to do. We've already had one almost 2 years ago (his decision) and he was the one who came crawling back begging for me to take him back. I was a wreck when he broke it off. What will happen to him if I break it off - especially seeing how we're engaged now. AHHH...what do I do?

7 comments:

mrs shortcake said...

I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult situation. What a about a break instead of an engagement break-off?

Anonymous said...

I agree...how about talking to a councillor or a therapist too?

Kate said...

Aw Corinne I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. If you think it would be best to break it off it would definitely be better to do before getting married. Have you taked to him about it?

Co Co said...

Thanks for the support and comments! I'm going to look into some options.

Mary-Ann said...

Hard decision indeed...you'll figure it out!

Laura said...

I went through a broken engagement 2 years ago with a guy that I lived with and had a dog with. And while he was the one who broke it off, I ultimately am much better off for it and am so glad he did. I learned a lot from it and the biggest lesson I learned was to trust my intuition.

What I would tell you is that if your gut is saying that leaving him is the right thing to do, YOU SHOULD LISTEN. I remember wondering if Chris really was the right guy for me but thinking if I was going to break it off, I had to be really, really sure it was the right decision before I broke it off. And in the meantime, I just kept plodding forward with wedding plans in the absence of a firm decision one way or the other. I would have kept going with that right through till the wedding day, would have said my vows still feeling unsure about him. The ridiculous thing about it is that if you're going to marry someone? You should be REALLY SURE about that too, but somehow that little nugget didn't occur to me until months after we split up.

If you have this many doubts about him and you fight all the time now and are always angry at each other, you will just have more of the same when you get married. For the rest of your life. If you leave, you will be okay. You won't disappoint anyone. Your friends and family will just want the best for you.

If you want to talk to someone who's been there... feel free to email me at laura@alittlecoffee.com.

Co Co said...

Thanks for the insight Laura..I just may take you up on the offer!