Weight loss...ARG!

I have always struggled with my weight. I wouldn't say it's because I overeat, or that the things I eat aren't healthy, in fact, I go to the gym almost every day and I am very conscious of what I put into my mouth.

I have been with my fiance for 5 years this summer. Since we started dating, there were many struggles that came up. My weight was the lowest I had ever been when we started dating. That winter a huge upset amongst my bestfriend and room-mate made me lose even more weight. I felt good; I was finally a size 8 - something I hadn't been in since elementary school. I loved the way my body looked and I was happy. That summer, working nights threw my whole metabolism out of whack. When I wasn't working, I was passed out with sheer exhaustion. I had no energy at all. Going back to university in the fall was a real killer. I gained roughly 30 pounds in 4 months. I freaked out and got a personal trainer. While I was able to lose 15 pounds and gain a bit more muscle, I didn't find that she helped me very much. Within a few months I had gained the weight back and then continued to balloon. I hit my ultimate high this past year. Every time I walked past a mirror I cringed with disgust - how did I let myself get this bad?

In less than 10 months, I will be putting on an infamously white dress and taking the plunge, head-first into a lifestyle where my world is no longer supposed to revolve around myself. Now, the idea of belonging to someone, well maybe not belonging but being committed whole-heartedly, is somewhat frightening, but no where close to the level of fright I have towards walking down an aisle in a wedding dress and having all my friends and family, and my fiance's family staring at me thinking, "my god! Look at that! She should NOT be wearing that dress!" Don't get me wrong the dress I have chosen is absolutely lovely! It's very vintage and romantic. I just want to make sure than I give this dress the proper justice it deserves. A dress this beautiful should have someone just as beautiful in it.

Since Novemeber I have been dieting, pretty extremely actually. I signed up to a weight-loss clinic because I honestly thought that I was unable to lose weight by myself anymore. U weight loss clinics were giving away free detox and cleanse products if you came in to talk to the consultants. I thought, sure, it can't hurt to sit down and talk. Well the talk turned into 2 hours of gabbing and somehow I was coerced into signing up for a hugely expensive, pill-popping, rule-filled, "diet modification" scheme. I cut out so many things from my diet, stopped consuming dairy, egg, gluten, red meat, pork, grains, citrus, tomatoes and so much more. To say this program was hard is not enough - it was greuling! In the course of maybe 2 months I was able to drop 20 pounds. I couldn't help feeling bad about the amount of money I was spending to do the program. I didn't want to have to keep popping "vitamins" for the rest of my life so I made the decision to stop going.

My cousin Kelly started a diet/life-syle modification last year after she hit her record-high in weight. She had just had her third child and was the heaviest she had ever been. Over the past six months she has lost the baby weight and more and looks the best she ever has. She was at the local library and checked out a book called Body-for-life. She was yelling at me over Christmas saying that I needed to stop spending money I didn't need to spend on weight loss and try this plan. She seems convinced that I will see results - and I get a cheat day once a week!

I still have 30 or so left to go before I am a reasonable weight for my frame, regardless of my current muscle mass. I have gradually started re-incorporating things into my diet and have continued to keep the 20 pounds off - THANK GOD! Kelly gave me the plan yesterday to start my process and here I go. I just need to focus on staying on track, following the plan and then hopefully within a couple months I will truly make a scene at my wedding!

Have any of you ever struggled with your weight, or used extreme measures to try to solve the problem? Good luck to all my fellow dieters! That's all from me!

Co Co